← Back to Index

Aging - - A Stimulus for Spiritual Awakening

Trinity Cathedral
The Rev. Canon Grant S. Carey

A Presentation given at "The Chateau on Capitol Avenue"
November 22, 2006

A dear friend of mine - - a gracious Southern Lady - - composed this poem to celebrate her eightieth birthday:

A PRAYER AT EIGHTY
Today, dear Lord, I'm 80, and there's much I haven't done.
I hope, dear Lord, you'll let me live until I'm eighty-one.
But then, if I haven't finished all I want to do,
Please let me stay awhile - - until I'm eighty-two.

There are so many places I want to go and see,
Do you think that you could manage to make it eighty-three?
The world is changing fast, so very much in store,
I think I'd like it very much to live to eighty-four.

And if by then I'm still alive, I'd like to stay 'til eighty-five.
More planes will be up in the air; I'd really like to stick --
And see what happens to the world when I am eighty-six.
I know, dear Lord, it's much to ask (it must be nice in heaven)
But I would really like to stay until I'm eighty-seven.

I know by then I won't be fast, and sometimes will be late,
But it would be so pleasant to be around at eighty-eight.
I will have had so many things, and had a wonderful time,
So I'm sure that I'll be willing to leave at eighty-nine.
Maybe!
(Maudellene Shields)

What she is celebrating is a zest for life - - a desire to do ... to be ... and to become. As far as she is concerned, at eighty, life is far from over. She is just getting into high gear!

In many ways she reminds me of my mother who lived until ninety-seven who, even when she became frail and unable to get around too much, delighted us with her wit and wonderful stories.

One that I particularly enjoyed hearing told of her widowed grandmother whose name was Agnes Morrison Hobbs Jones, ... her five small children and their Uncle Simeon who journeyed by train from Memphis to San Francisco.

They reached Sacramento in 1873 after being sidetracked and abandoned in Battle Mountain, Nevada because of a cholera epidemic; from here, they traveled by steamer to San Francisco, where grandma Jones opened a boarding house and single-handedly raised and educated her children.

By the time my mother was born, the house at 850 Van Ness Avenue was filled with family (in fact, they referred to themselves "The Family" in the same spirit that San Franciscans refer to "The City.”)

"The Family" consisted of Grandma Jones, Mimi's parents, an assortment aunts and uncles and cousins as well as boarding students who attended Heald's Business College which occupied the first floor.

There are a lot of young people today who know little or nothing of aunts, uncles, cousins, or even grandparents who are often scattered throughout the nation or the world. This is sad, I think, because so much vitality is lost... not only to individual children but also to society as a whole.

Where we can find the old fashioned extended family? ... Where can we find positive role models? ... Where can we sink our roots?

For many of us, that Family is the Church, a family made up of men and women and boys and girls, and abounding with parents and grandparents, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles and cousins. For a lot of people, and especially children, the Church may be the closest they will experience to an extended family.

This Family concept is not new. It is as old as the New Testament. Jesus knew an intimate relationship with God whom he called "Abba", a child's name for a loving, caring Father, and he regarded those who followed him as brothers and sisters. The Book of Acts, and the writings of early Christians, affirms St. Paul's view that the Church is the "Household of Faith", a caring and nurturing family.

During the Late Middle Ages and the Reformation, this ideal was suppressed and the Church institutionalized. But what we are hopefully rediscovering in our time, after experiencing the most destructive period in world history, is that the Church is truly called to become a family of people from all races and cultures, where aunts and uncles, parents and children, married folk and single folk, wise and silly, old and young, eccentric and stolid, all have a place of belonging where they may learn to love and grow together.

G. K. Chesterton, English journalist, novelist and poet, once observed: "The common defense of the family is that, amid the stress and fickleness of life it is peaceful, pleasant, and at one. But there is another defense of the family which is possible, and to me evident; this defense is that the family is not peaceful and not pleasant and not at one."

Commenting on this someone remarked: "You have to work at (being family). It is safe to say that I have learned more abut grace, forgiveness, diversity - - and yes, original sin - - from my family than from all the theology books I have read." (Philip Yancey, Christianity Today.)

Yet in spite of the fact that most families are not picture-perfect, including that family we call the Church, I believe that what Archbishop William Temple wrote remains eternally true: "A family is bound together, not by its ability to agree, but by its ability to love."

One of the great influences in my mother's life was her extended family... her parents, her grandmother, her often annoying yet caring uncles and aunts and cousins. Wisdom that comes through a long life enriched by experience, by good times and bad, by happiness and sorrow...such wisdom cannot be equaled. Where would we be without older members and friends?

We rely so much on those who have learned from the past, who have found freedom to give of themselves more fully than before, who have inspired us - - if only by their presence among us.

What we are called to think about today is " Aging as a stimulus for Spiritual Awareness".

What seems evident to me, involved as I am with folks of many different ages, is that many that so many who are much younger than we are seem to have no idea just how stimulated we become as we grow older.

Until recently, society thought of aging as a time for falling apart - - both physically and mentally; and while we may not be as agile or as keen as we were in years past - - there are great compensations if we take the time look for them - - and they are to be found in our sense of awareness.

I understand awareness as both knowledge and understanding through either experience or perception. If folks our age or older have anything to offer, it is - - (or should be) - found in understanding and knowledge that comes through experience. This is why, in certain cultures, the elders of the community are respected and honored. They are the primary source of knowledge of the past and of spiritual awareness. In today's words: "They've been there and done that!"

In other words - - those of us who have lived our lives, walked our miles, have much to show for our labors, and much to share. And I believe that the youth-oriented culture of the 70's and 80's is gradually coming to understand - - through their own awareness of growing older.

While the Episcopal Church is my personal focus, having been a priest for almost 50 years, I perceive spirituality as transcending any religious tradition or organization. Once I was asked if I considered the Episcopal Church to be the only Church, and I replied that it was the only church for me, but that there were many paths to God and no one religious tradition holds all the answers.

As I have come to embrace it, spirituality is an openness to that which lies beyond our understanding.

When Jesus discussed this matter with Nicodemas, who had a problem with Jesus' point of being born anew - - or born from above. It is clear that Jesus was not speaking literally being born; - - he was speaking of perception, awareness, and an acceptance of that which is imperceptible to the literal mind.

Now, I am going to make a startling statement:

Aging as one of the greatest of God's gifts - - in spite of physical limitations that come with growing older.

The body may slow down; the brain may experience memory loss (probably because we have had too much to remember - - (and maybe it's also a blessing to be able to forget some things). Yet, the Spirit within remains vibrant and alive.

We need to affirm this essential truth!

Each one of us has been given gifts we may not even be aware of.

Like presents under a Christmas tree, these gifts of God come in many different wrappings.

Take grandfathers and grandmothers for instance.

How many grandparents think of themselves as gifts of God? Perhaps modesty prevents, but here is how one small child perceived grandmas and grandpas:

"A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own, so she likes other people's kids. A grandfather is a man grandmother. He likes to go on walks with kids and they talk about fishing and stuff like that.

"Grandma's don't have anything to do except be there. They're old, so they shouldn't play hard. They let us ride the "pretend horse" at K-Mart and have plenty of quarters ready. They take us for slow walks and always stop for things like caterpillars and pretty leaves. They never say "Hurry up."

"Usually they are fat, but not too fat to tie kids shoes. They were glasses and funny underwear.

"They don't have to be smart, only answer questions like: "Why dog's hate cats," and "How come God isn't married." They don't talk baby talk like visitors do because it's hard to understand.

"Everybody should try to have one, because grandma's and grandpa's are the only grownups who have time."

Indeed, God's gifts come in a variety of wrappings, but all are expressions of love and concern.

Thinking of gifts, I recall a moving story concerning Mother Teresa of Calcutta.

Ellen Egan was a layperson who worked with the Missionaries of Charity for thirty years, and she related this incident, which changed her thinking completely.

She said: "One day after my conversation had been filled with a litany of problems, Mother Teresa remarked: "Everything is a 'problem.' Why not use the word gift instead?"

Well, Miss Egan thought about this and decided to try it out.

A short while later when she and Mother Teresa were scheduled to fly to New York, she was told by the airline that there would be a long delay. As she was about to complain about the problem, she remembered Mother Teresa's words.

"Mother," she said, "I have to tell you about a gift. We have to wait four hours here, and we won't arrive until very late."

Mother Teresa settled down in the airport and read a book of meditations that she had brought with her.

From that time on, things that presented disappointments or difficulties would be introduced with "We have a small gift here," or "today we have an especially large gift." There were smiles ...at situations that earlier had been described by the dour word "problem."

So - - even problems can become gifts - - And I am sure that as we reflect back on our lives, we can discern moments when it seemed that it was all bad, when in fact the result turned out to be all good! Gifts come in unexpected places if we look for them and accept them.

We are mistaken if we say: "I have no gifts to give, no talent to share," because it just isn't true.

Little things can mean a lot! Simple acts of sincere kindness and understanding can mean more than just about anything else.

My topic today has been on "Aging as a Stimulus for Spiritual Awakening."

My main point is that we have all been given spiritual gifts. They are imbedded in our life experiences. And these - - like all good gifts - - take on signifance only when they are given away.

So, perhaps our present task is to discern just what special gifts we have been given - - and then how we can share them.

Saint Paul was nothing if not articulate. I think that his words summarize just about everything we thought about today. This is what he said:

"Don't fret or worry! Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. .

"Summing it up, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling gracious ..., the best, not the words; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse . . . and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." [Philippians 4:6-9 in "The Message" by Eugene H. Peterson]